So, fairly regularly I bump into people that are quite forthcoming about their lives and also their problems.
I attended a speech given by the mayor of my fine city on Monday night. I was beginning to come down with, what I believe to be, the avian flu. I got there relatively early and found a seat in this beautiful church. I decided to catch up on my e-mail and then cracked open the Bible. An elderly woman squeezed by and wanted to sit next to me, I mean NEXT to me. She was in her late 70's/early 80's and somehow she started talking about her life and her marriage of 57 years to her husband who has full fledged dementia. She explained that she hates to go see him now since he is quite angry and destructive. They have known each other since they were children. She was only a few weeks older than him. She explained that he was a Phi Beta Kappa from Amherst and now he is a man who needs assisted living. They are extremely wealthy and live in a coveted neighborhood in the suburbs of Philly. Their 5 children went to the most elite private schools and went on to successful colleges and careers.
She explained that through out their marriage they dealt with a myriad of health issues as well as alcoholism and habitual smoking. Now, 4 out of her 5 children all live on the west coast and the one lives in Virginia. Their daughter who lives in California no longer speaks to her parents because she disagreed with putting their violent father in assisted living. The one son wants the mother to sell all of her possessions.
She went into detail about the illnesses of her husband. I told her how I thought it must be so hard to see the love of your life go through the illnesses he had. She told me what was worse was watching his mind go and he doesn't even know who she is anymore. She said that it is something that you can never be prepared for.
I asked her the secret to what has made it last and she said, after thinking for a moment: counseling. Counseling saved our lives.
It got me thinking. From the outside, this is a woman you could tell was gorgeous in her hay day, had a very intelligent husband, and a gaggle of children that were highly successful.
What she has now is an empty house. She does not have support of her children, her friends are all very ill, and her husband is fading away in front of her eyes.
People would perceive them to be the perfect family, but scratching at the surface, there is no such thing. Everyone has skeletons, it's just a matter of whether you are good at covering it up or not.
I suppose in our lives are our ups and downs. I am concerned with friends of mine that have never experienced heartbreak or adversity. What goes up, must certainly come down. I had recently told one of my best friends, "When you go through the difficult times, it's hard seeing through the muckity muck to the good stuff at the end." There is always good stuff at the end.
I believe it starts with yourself. At 30, I am now starting to realize who I am and what I want. It has been about 2 months since I started self discovery. I have a long way to go, but so far, 30 has been an incredible year! I am blessed with an abundance of love. My own happiness is in my own control.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
High School
I have to say that I did not have a big love life in high school. I went to an all-girls prep school and had a bunch of guy friends but only one real boyfriend in high school. I was fine with it since I was involved in a bunch of different other activities and my friends also were not in serious realtionships with boy either. I was the type of girl that had a few "crushes" but never voiced my feelings. I suppose that I felt they would never give me a second look, which now looking back, I was probably very wrong. I was a few inches shy of 5 feet and barely 100 pounds. I did decent in school and had a fun group of friends. I suppose I was confident in other avenues except the romance department. I would look at guys "from a far" but never told anyone except maybe my best friend. The one boyfriend I had lasted a hot minute. He was very nice but for some reason I just "wasn't that into him" after a few months...I beleive it was right after his Prom and mine. :)
I looked forward to college where I would be able to expand my dating scene and see what happens...
I promise....this may seem boring but as my life progresses it becomes increasingly interesting and full of "sugar and spice"...
I looked forward to college where I would be able to expand my dating scene and see what happens...
I promise....this may seem boring but as my life progresses it becomes increasingly interesting and full of "sugar and spice"...
The Early Years
I think the first time that I relaized about love, I was in 8th grade. His name was Jay (names have been changed to protect their identity and possible embarrassment!).
Jay was adorable; he was about 2 inches shorter than me with blonde hair and blue eyes. He was my first boyfriend. This was at a time when there was not the internet or text messages or cell phones or even caller ID. He used to call the house and my mother would answer and I would get flustered and be so excited about him calling me. The term "going out" was what we used to define the status of the relationship. My mother used to say "you and Jay are going out, but you really don't go anywhere...neither of you can drive!". I have to say she had a point, but I was crazy about him. We "dated" for about 6 months. He had his best friend dump me on the phone because he wanted to dance with another girl at a dance that I did not attend. I sobbed, I yelled, I called my girlfriends, I vented to my mother, I wrote angry notes, I talked badly about him, I tried to justify why he dumped me, I contrived stories about him in my head, and I then sucked it up and moved on.
16 years later things had not changed. That is when it all began...
Jay was adorable; he was about 2 inches shorter than me with blonde hair and blue eyes. He was my first boyfriend. This was at a time when there was not the internet or text messages or cell phones or even caller ID. He used to call the house and my mother would answer and I would get flustered and be so excited about him calling me. The term "going out" was what we used to define the status of the relationship. My mother used to say "you and Jay are going out, but you really don't go anywhere...neither of you can drive!". I have to say she had a point, but I was crazy about him. We "dated" for about 6 months. He had his best friend dump me on the phone because he wanted to dance with another girl at a dance that I did not attend. I sobbed, I yelled, I called my girlfriends, I vented to my mother, I wrote angry notes, I talked badly about him, I tried to justify why he dumped me, I contrived stories about him in my head, and I then sucked it up and moved on.
16 years later things had not changed. That is when it all began...
Dating
Everyone dates. It is a simple fact and to blog about it seems redundant, right? I have been told by dozens of people to publish some of my dating stories due to the fact that they are ridiculously ridiculous (and that is being kind...).
We date to find "the one". It's such a romantic idyllic idea. To think that if you go out enough with enough people you will EVENTUALLY find your "one". What I have learned recently is that you do not find love; it finds you. Your love life is not a game of chance or probability...I see it, if I had to quantify it, as a game of roulette. These are just my stories of the past 18 years of trying to find the one. Maybe by doing this blog, it will help me figure out more about myself as well as give you a good giggle.
Enjoy!
We date to find "the one". It's such a romantic idyllic idea. To think that if you go out enough with enough people you will EVENTUALLY find your "one". What I have learned recently is that you do not find love; it finds you. Your love life is not a game of chance or probability...I see it, if I had to quantify it, as a game of roulette. These are just my stories of the past 18 years of trying to find the one. Maybe by doing this blog, it will help me figure out more about myself as well as give you a good giggle.
Enjoy!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Hurriedness
Hurriedness-speed, rush, quickness
That word always bothered me. It never seemed like a real word.
At 30, in 2009, that word applies to basically everything in my life. When are you buying that house? When are you going to get married? When are you having babies? When are you going to stop talking to "Him"?
What is the rush? I find that each step along the way, once you get/achieve one piece, everyone always asks about the next step instead of reveling in the present. We are always looking ahead to the next big thing.
I recently got a new job. It is the perfect fit for me. The salary is prefect, the flexibilty is amazing, and the people are intelligent and fun. Once I got this dream job, the obvious became even more apparent. Why are you single?
That is the trillion dollar question that people have asked single women through out time. In the 1950's you were considered an old maid and ended up living with your relatives and/or best friend watching other people's children playing outside (sweeping generalization by the way); in the 1960's and 70's it became a bit easier with the feminist movement and you were considered BFF with Gloria Steinem and didn't need a man to do anything unless you wanted them; the 1980's and 1990's women really kicked butt in the workforce and balanced motherhood and their professions. This decade seems a bit odd. You would think that women would be embraced for being single. That is not the case. If you disagree it would be for one of two reasons: 1. You are not single. 2. You are not friends with a single woman.
That word always bothered me. It never seemed like a real word.
At 30, in 2009, that word applies to basically everything in my life. When are you buying that house? When are you going to get married? When are you having babies? When are you going to stop talking to "Him"?
What is the rush? I find that each step along the way, once you get/achieve one piece, everyone always asks about the next step instead of reveling in the present. We are always looking ahead to the next big thing.
I recently got a new job. It is the perfect fit for me. The salary is prefect, the flexibilty is amazing, and the people are intelligent and fun. Once I got this dream job, the obvious became even more apparent. Why are you single?
That is the trillion dollar question that people have asked single women through out time. In the 1950's you were considered an old maid and ended up living with your relatives and/or best friend watching other people's children playing outside (sweeping generalization by the way); in the 1960's and 70's it became a bit easier with the feminist movement and you were considered BFF with Gloria Steinem and didn't need a man to do anything unless you wanted them; the 1980's and 1990's women really kicked butt in the workforce and balanced motherhood and their professions. This decade seems a bit odd. You would think that women would be embraced for being single. That is not the case. If you disagree it would be for one of two reasons: 1. You are not single. 2. You are not friends with a single woman.
First Blog Post
I have wanted to start a blog for some time now and what better time than the present to do so.
To start off, about me...
I am a 30 year old single woman living in Philadelphia. It sounds very Sex and the City, and honestly there could not be more truth to it. I am not sure if I am prone to absurdity or it just follows me, but I have been told over and over that if my friends and family did not know me, they would think my life is fiction.
To say that I live a thrilling life, would be an understatement. Whether it has to do with work, family, or friends, or the biggie-relationships there is a story and for those who do not know me, this is my story.
I suppose it is going to be like most blogs, musings about one's life and events that others can relate to. So I suppose on with the show and welcome to my little world....
To start off, about me...
I am a 30 year old single woman living in Philadelphia. It sounds very Sex and the City, and honestly there could not be more truth to it. I am not sure if I am prone to absurdity or it just follows me, but I have been told over and over that if my friends and family did not know me, they would think my life is fiction.
To say that I live a thrilling life, would be an understatement. Whether it has to do with work, family, or friends, or the biggie-relationships there is a story and for those who do not know me, this is my story.
I suppose it is going to be like most blogs, musings about one's life and events that others can relate to. So I suppose on with the show and welcome to my little world....
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