I'm not going to hide the fact that I seek spirituality in different ways. I have been seeing a psychic for a few years, on a fairly monthly basis. I think part of it has to do with my control issues. I "need" to know what is going to happen next. And I have to say, she has been spot on with many, many things. I cannot discount that. But there is/was an element that lived my life in anxiety "believing" that I already knew what was to come. If it didn't go as calculated, per my psychic then it threw me for a loop and created lots of drama. I think I started to doubt the validity of her predictions on August 18, 2008. It is when I received a phone call that threw me for a loop. "He" called. "He" was moving back to Philadelphia after 3 years of being away. I will have to explain "He" in my next post...but it got me thinking that do we even want to know the future or is it better to let it unravel at will and surprise us along the way. That evening I received the phone call it was the last thing on my mind. "He" sensed I was ticked off at him for I reason I do not know is what my initial thought was. But, no..."He" was calling to tell me he was moving back home. When those words came out of his mouth, it was the first time in 29 years that I burst into tears spontaneously. I was unsure of why I cried it just couldn't stop.
But I digress (which is why I need some sort of platform for this blog as I am all over the place)...
Signs. Right, signs...
Shortly after I received that phone call, EVERYTHING started to drastically change, some at the time, I perceived it to be for the worse, but now, I wouldn't change a single minute, second...none of it...
A few weeks after "he" moved back home, I had an incredibly spiritual afternoon that was completely unexpected. Let me explain...
I worked in sales (and ok, still do to some degree...). My job was to travel to different colleges and organizations to seek out authors as well as promote our products. On this unusually warm fall day I did all I needed to to at this particular school and decided to head back home for a nice run with my dog. As I pull out, the main road was packed, I mean, people were doing u-turns in the middle of the road, so I followed suit. As I was driving the back way home, I passed the cemetery when my paternal grandparents are buried. I stop there maybe 3 times a year. I felt compelled to pull in and stop to see them. The breeze was picking up and I was getting frustrated walking in the mud and dirt desperately trying to find their gravestone as I found it odd that I couldn't find them! Finally, just when I was ready to throw in the towel, I found them. I started praying and just being in silence (which is rare...). I look at the corner of the stone and laying there is a miraculous medal of St. Terese. I look around after I pick it up, and see if anyone is watching this. I take it and call my mom as soon as I jump in the car. I have her google St. Therese. She calls me back and says she is the patron saint of the little flower. She does BIG things in little ways. To know that she is listening to my prayers, I am to see 3 roses. Well, easy! There is a flower shop on Main St. of my little Philadelphia town. So I recruit one of my best friends to walk down to see them. As we walked about 2 blocks, my friend stops me and I see her staring at this house next to us. The front yard was covered in mums, with three single roses in full bloom, were amidst all of the mums. It was totally out of season and I realized that I didn't need to seek them out, they sought me out. It still gives me chills, as it does with everyone else I tell the story, including my friend who I witnessed her hair completely standing up on her arms.
The following day, everything in my life began to turn upside down. The one aspect I had always prided myself in as an adult was my career. I was not only good, but considered among many as one of the best in my field. The following day I was put on a performance plan. The thought still causes minor pains in my abdomen. I was put on a performance plan. It was embarrassing, humbling, disturbing, horrendous, and pretty much my worse nightmare career-wise. Especially with the economy beginning to crumble at this time. Not only was my career crumbling, but so was my health due to the stress. No one in my company (which is mammoth) knew except my supervisor, her supervisor, and then CEO. A few weeks into it, I was working with a senior manager who sensed my tension blatantly asked me if I was on a plan, and when I confessed yes and to please not share that information, he sort of scoffed and said, "Seriously? Who would believe me?" It was true. It was not warranted and there is a deeper meaning behind it than I could ever come up with.
Not to get into too much detail of the horrendousness of that part of my life that lasted 4 months, I ended up landing the perfect job. This job, when someone looks at the description, would peg me instantly for it.
Sometimes you can't see past the "muckety muck" to the good stuff at the end...because it is so worth it.
In case you are wondering, I carry that medal everywhere with me. Whenever I get stressed or uncomfortable, I just have to feel it in my fingers and it reminds me that everything is happening the way it is supposed to. It may not happen in "my" time, but as it so happens, God's time is much better...
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