For there is a reason under the sun...

It has been over 5 years since B and I met. In some ways it seems longer and in some ways it seems like the other day. I watch my friends slowly pair up with a partner, have babies and settle down. Often it does take a toll on me wondering WHEN will it be my turn? When will I have the amazing man, the beautiful baby, the stories about breastfeeding, and talking about potty training. WHAT in the world has B given me, except a migraine, gray hair, and bouts of IBS? I have spent a great deal of time thinking about this.
We went to the wedding last weekend. We had an absolute blast; the most fun we have EVER EVER had. I know I have said that before...but I do feel we had a blast. The wedding was beautiful and we had fun dancing, laughing, swimming, and drinking. This is where I become torn and slightly like a hypocrite. We BOTH drank. How can I tell him, no, not you, but I can...it's something that I struggle with.
After the wedding, we went to my parents house and he went to meet my dad for the first time. Looking back I have conflicting views about the fact that the first time he met my dad he was drunk. The longer time passes the more I realize that it was wrong. It was plain wrong. He sat in the family room talking about "our" wedding and he even dropped the "f-bomb" in front of my parents. We went back to my house, ordered pizza and stayed on the couch and chatted. I learned a great deal about him. The deep seeded hurt that he is dealing with, that only HE can deal with...he is not willing to get help or stop drinking...he is depressed.
The following day we spent together watching Jerry Maguire in a bad thunderstorm in bed. It was the sober B.
I am so torn as to how I feel it's crazy...
I think that the only thing I can do now is head to Al-Anon.