Grey Street

So today I found out that Dave Matthews is coming out with a new CD. I swear for some reason, DMB is the only CD I find that I actually purchase. Lionel Richie came out last week and I didn't even buy that!

Dave Matthews Band I think just has a deeper meaning in my life than all the rest. When Dave became popular I was a sophomore in high school. I have WONDERFUL memories of going to concerts in New Jersey on the waterfront with all of my high school friends at the end of the school year. I remember looking up at the stars in the sky and surrounded by all of my girlfriends (and some guys...including B) and thanking God. It was those moments that I remember feeling incredibly free...The wind was blowing from the water, Dave was playing, we were all on the lawn dancing and singing and drinking causing our raucous as usual. I think it's hard to put into words but everyone has had moments like that that make you feel warm and cozy and safe.

This was before text messages, car payments, jobs, babies, husbands, dogs, or basically any responsibility...it was simple. It was pure.

Do I long for those days from time to time? Do I sometimes pop in a Dave CD and turn OFF my cell phone in the car and smile and tear up with emotion? The answer to both is yes.

It's funny how music can really grab you and bring back a flood of emotions...good, or bad, happy or sad.

As I write this with Grey Street playing in the background, I find that maybe one of the reasons I have had a difficult time letting go of B is for the simple fact that he reminds of that time in my life, when things were simple and pure. And perhaps letting him completely go, is letting go of a bit of that simple life, that purity. It's hard to recognize that he is no longer that guy...it's sort of letting go of a dream I suppose...I don't know this new B and that's really hard for me to grasp. The people in my life are indeed my family, good and bad...it is quite the motley crew...no two of them are REMOTELY alike. It actually makes me smile thinking of how diverse they are but put them in a room with some drinks and food and they all get along. I guess there has to be a common ground besides the fact that they all know me and I am not quite sure what it is. Perhaps it is the fact that the core of each of them is the same. They are all loving and selfless (and patient...).

Grey Street was a constant song that played about 6 years ago during a pretty bad break-up and last year I played it for a friend who went through an equally devastating break-up and she played it over and over again...

I guess the way I feel right now is sort of "on the brink"...not sure of what...isn't that funny? I did a super big clean-up in my whole house today for no apparent reason actually...I am not expecting company, my dog just had majoy leg surgery, and there was really not a motivation to do so...I just did. I feel that change is coming...

I remember sitting in Miami last year at my former company's sales meeting at dinner looking around thinking, "this is going to be my last meeting." It wasn't a question; it was a statement; it was definitive. I didn't have any interviews or anything, I just knew deep down, I just knew. I think we all know when big things are upon us.

I always find it interesting when people say before a baby is born, "there are so few surprises in life"...really??? Seriously??? I don't know...as of late, I find that interesting...